Jess Reidell is a life coach who specializes in helping women reconnect with their identity after a divorce.
She helps them channel all of their experiences — good and bad — into a muscle that helps them move forward.
On the podcast, she discusses her techniques in achieving this state of mind, as well as her journey to becoming a life coach in the first place.
When Jess was in her twenties, she got divorced herself and fell into a depression. It took her about four years to get over the divorce, during which she did a lot of self-development and reading.
By doing so, she got to know herself better and eventually remarried.
This experience caused her to begin training to be a coach, so she could shorten the period of depression, which she knew all too well, for others.
If you’re thinking about getting a divorce, Jess stresses not to make the decision from an intellectual perspective. She believes that you should be in tune with your body and soul, and allow your heart to make an educated decision.
While most people might make a laundry list of pros and cons, none of it is going to matter if your heart isn’t in it.
Try to imagine yourself living alone and let your body soak up that feeling. Do you feel heavy or light? For Jess, that’s a raw way to decide how you really feel, without getting tangled up in logistics.
While Jess has seen the blame more heavily on both parties, she finds that it’s easier for women to cast the blame on the man, rightfully or wrongfully. These clients are particularly hard for her to work with because they don’t accept any responsibility and maintain a victim mentality.
To mend this state of mind, Jess suggests viewing life as something that doesn’t happen to you but happens for you. There is a lesson to learn with every choice you make. Once you know this, you can better examine your past to make the best decisions going forward.
First of all, Jess stresses that going into a marriage filled with fear of getting a divorce is never a good idea. You need to have faith and be committed to making the marriage work.
Even though marriage can be one of life’s greatest risks, it can also be one of its greatest rewards.
You need to go in with optimism, leave fear behind and take ownership of your decision. Both of you need to “choose” each other every single day.
By doing so, you’ll become the captain of your own ship. If you feel cajoled into getting married, you’re in the wrong mindset.
One unique issue that Jess has noticed in the modern, Western world is that as women are stepping into positions of power, they’re adopting masculine energy. Jess believes that women should, instead, understand that their feminine essence is their true source of power.
By adopting masculine energy, she believes it creates an imbalance in a marriage, which can help lead to divorce.
One way to help maintain a positive balance of masculine energy and feminine energy is through romance. Jess believes that romance has become a lost art. This allows a woman to celebrate her womanhood and, at the same time, be put on a pedestal.
She stresses that men need to learn their wife’s “love language” and speak it every day. Even if you fear your husband’s heart isn’t in it, try to appreciate the sentiment behind the gestures.
When approaching a new relationship, Jess tells her clients to be transparent, authentic, and open. Even though you’ll be more vulnerable, intimacy can be achieved no other way.
In order to be transparent, you’ll need to refrain from being a social chameleon.
Don’t feel compelled to like everything the other person likes. Jess finds this is especially important for women to remember, as they’ll often feel like they should take a supportive position and not contest, which creates another imbalance.
Being authentic is closely tied to transparency. In fact, it’s essentially a form of long-term transparency, in which you are content with being yourself and content by exposing that self to your spouse.
As for being open, Jess finds that most people are concerned with finding out who’s worthy of being in their lives, and they need to be focused on receiving people for who they are, warts and all. It’s also important to not be in the mindset that you’re going to fix your husband.
Jess says that self-care and self-acceptance need to be paramount in your life for the year following your divorce. Instead of immediately going out and looking for another relationship, you should develop the relationship with yourself.
This is important because self-destruction can creep into this period if you’re not careful. Jess believes you should leave the pity party and reinvent yourself. You should use your experience as a springboard to take you to the next chapter in your life.
If you’ve sufficiently recovered and are looking to enter into a new relationship, remember to be open and to not overanalyze.
Jess can be found at her official website, Ageless Jess, where you can book an appointment with her and learn more about her ideas.